Okay I know that title isn’t that nice but it’s really true. Especially in my life! During my first pregnancy I swore I had a sign on my forehead that said, “please say something rude about how huge I am” or “please tell me your horror stories about your friend’s uncle’s cousin who lost a baby or was diagnosed with some extremely scary and rare sickness while pregnant!” It was madness! It’s cool though, I got really good at blocking that stuff out or changing the subject at super human speed! At that time I wanted to just yell don’t curse me like that but I wasn’t quite brave enough at that point. Now, it’s a different story. I’m super non confrontational but with age and a little more experience in this mom game I’ve gotten at least a little better at speaking up for myself and not letting people’s words break me down.
Today I took all three kiddos to the grocery store. I usually try and juggle things so I can go alone or at least leave someone at home just so I can get in and out faster. But today we all just went together. I had River strapped to my chest in the ergo and phinny and louie by my side. Everyone was happy, helpful, and great listeners! It’s not always that way…. But today we were kicking booty! I was feeling great! Everyone was smiling at the kids and other mamas and I were making eye contact and shooting each other hugs and high fives as we knew we were in this together! Then…. Dun dun dun duuuuuuunn…. There was this middle aged women who was smiling at River, he’s a suuuuper smiley babe so it’s pretty typical for him to attract attention. She smiled at him and we both kept shopping. Then we ran into each other again in another aisle and she stopped me and said, “oh I just have to get a better look at him” I smiled and politely made small talk with her. She looked at the big kids and commented on how cute they were. They continued to be well behaved and polite. Then it happen. She opened her mouth and the stupid started flowing! She looked at me and said, “well it’s better you than me.” I paused and without much thought I quickly responded, “yes, I am very glad they are mine and not yours!” I smiled and then we walked away.
As I continued shopping I thought how proud I was of my response. A few years ago I would have said nothing and been really hurt by her statement. But not today! Instead I stood up for myself and the ones I love. The last thing I would ever want is for my children to view themselves as some sort of punishment. Like that lady lucked out by not “having to have them” and somehow I was unlucky and got stuck with them! Truly I have no idea if my kids even picked up on it but our words are important and even if the message was subconscious I am glad I stopped it in its tracks.
I am far from a perfect mother and my kids do plenty of crazy things…. Like when we left the grocery store and Lou popped a squat and peed next to the car because she was going to have an accident and there was no way I could get everyone to a bathroom in time! But regardless- I love them, I want them, and I choose them!
A high priority for me as their mama is teaching them their value. I can teach them by simply demonstrating to them their high value to me and that looks like defending them and sticking up for them in moments like today.